Read: The Beast of Truth

*****This is a continuation of the Lewis story (you can find the first part here).

Oh wow! Are you, like, filming right now? I love you. I love your camera. I love everyone. Can I lick your face? No, your face, not your hand. Give me your face.

Wait! What did you just say?

Look! Like, I may be sort of bossy. Like, I may enjoy roughing up my buddy Kent (fellow "beast") every now an then. And sometimes I yammer at relatives who visit my yard, don't share toys, and rough up Kent (only I can rough up Kent).

But when I say that I didn't kill Lewis "the mouse," I totally meant it.

Like, did the cats tell you that I killed Lewis? Which one? Was it the all black one who hides in the bushes at the front of the house or the gray one with the really sweet bedside manner and an harsh addiction to Entertainment Tonight?

The gray one? Figures! All I did was eat a ca...anyway...no need to go into specifics. And they have it out for me! I just want what is rightfully mine: attention and obedience. I love everyone, so everyone should love me and give me what I want. And everyone does love me! Except for the cats; they don't like me.

I can't have you thinking that I'm this big brute of a husky, so let me tell you the real deal.

The day I met Lewis, I was laying out in the sun totally getting this awesome tan on my nose. I don't like my nose too pink, and that day it was totally pink. I need a black nose to keep up my husky appearance.

Everybody loves me! Except for the cats. 

Anyway, the hairless ones called Kent and me inside their house. It's really my house, but I humor the hairless ones. I get more treats when I humor them.

I was totally exhausted from sunbathing all day, so after the initial excitement of being given what is rightfully mine, I took a nap. It was so cool and comfy on the carpet. I spun around only one time before laying down. Like, that's how tired I was!

The next thing I knew, I was shoved back outside for no apparent reason. Yeah, like, tell me about it! So rude.

As soon as the hairless ones pushed me out the door, I smelled this wonderful smell. I smelled fur and dirt and poop, but mostly I smelled fur. It wasn't Kent's fur and it wasn't my fur. It was my poop, but it wasn't my fur. Like, the fur was someone elses. I love someone elses! Someone elses are exciting and new! I want to meet everyone! Now!

Everybody loves me! Except for the cats.

And then I spotted movement. Like, at the time, I was thinking that it was another one of those feral cats sneaking our food away and giving us ringworm. But no! It was much smaller. I knew I had to have whatever it was. I had to make a new friend!

So I chased it and I caught it an the hairless ones took it away from me.

It was like, for you hairless ones, being given a chocolate cake, and then throwing it in the trash. I'm still kind of depressed about it.

Can I lick your face? No, well...Lewis was alive the last time I saw him.

How did I know his name? He told me. I was squishing him a bit in my mouth when he introduced himself. He was, like, really friendly. He was also tasty.

Everyone loves me! I told you! Except for the cats.

Did I see a vial? A vial of what? Really? No, no that's not what he was holding. He was just chillaxing in the middle of the yard, getting a nose tan like me. He was holding something, but I really wasn't paying attention. I liked his squishy, furry body. You should ask Kent. He stayed back a little. Such a ninny.

[an aside] Kent! Stop standing like that! You know I hate it when you stand like that!

Boarder collies! Where was I? Are you leaving? Can I lick your face? Oh, okay. Bye! I love you! I love everyone!